Improving Self-Confidence

By Jade Caswell, MA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Oftentimes, as therapists, we are asked by clients: "how do I boost my confidence?";

Unfortunately, there is not "one size fits all approach"; and it may be a lifelong process that

requires a sizable investment in the self to see results. Issues with self-esteem can be the result

of a variety of factors, including childhood trauma, weathering stress/ difficult times, or negative

messages we are given from others, and are quite common. The benefits of investing in one's

self, however, can truly transform one's relationship with self and others. Below are a few simple

tips to send you on a path of rediscovering yourself and improving self-esteem. See what works

for you!

1. Recognizing strengths

Oftentimes, we choose to dwell on negative aspects of ourselves and have accompanying critical

self-talk. We can break out of this cycle by choosing to be kinder to ourselves, challenging

critical thoughts and taking inventory of our strengths. It can also be helpful to record how we

use these strengths in our everyday lives.

2. Building a social circle

Humans are naturally social creatures, and it is important to spend time socially with individuals

who are uplifting. This may mean taking a good look at the people you spend the most time with

and evaluating whether they help lift you up or drain you.

3. Learning to set boundaries and say no

Did you ever go along with something even though it went against your values? This can often

put us in an uncomfortable situation and decrease our sense of self worth. Living according to

our values and setting boundaries when appropriate can help improve our view of ourselves and

help us construct a life worth living.

4. Engage in hobbies / new activities

Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone and expanding our skill set can boost self efficacy and

improve our sense of self. Once we have mastered a craft, we oftentimes have a newfound

appreciation of ourselves and our skills. It can also be fulfilling to share our skills/ talents with

others.

5. Prioritizing mental and physical wellbeing

Taking care of our physical and mental needs is crucial in showing ourselves compassion and

improving how we see ourselves. This might mean booking that doctor's appointment you've

been putting off, signing up for a new exercise class, or scheduling a therapy session. Please feel

free to call our office to see how we can help with issues related to self-esteem. Take time to

invest in yourself today!

Core Beliefs

by Jade Caswell, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Have you ever found yourself trapped in destructive behavior patterns or unable to get

what you really want out of life? Negative core beliefs may be getting in the way. By definition,

core beliefs are deeply held assumptions that guide our behavior, how we see ourselves and

perceive the world. For instance, if we hold the core belief that we are boring and unattractive,

we may never have the confidence to try to meet new people or progress in our career.

Because core beliefs shape how we see ourselves and the world, we may ignore any evidence

that is contrary to them, and only accept information that sustains these negative core beliefs.

Core beliefs are often formed early in life, and develop in response to a person's experiences.

For example, if an individual's childhood caregivers did not attend to their needs, they may

form the belief that they are 'unlovable'; or that the world is a 'dangerous place'; Carrying these

beliefs may inform future life choices. Core beliefs may additionally contribute to negative

automatic thoughts, or thoughts that pop into our heads in response to a trigger. If we hold

negative core beliefs, chances are our automatic thoughts will also be negative. Core beliefs

may sound fixed and unchangeable, but the good news is that we can change these negative

core beliefs using principles of cognitive behavioral therapy.

The first step to changing negative core beliefs, is first identifying them. This may look

like identify patterns of thinking, or fixed patterns of thinking about yourself, others or the

world. Look for absolute, rigid or; black and white thinking. Once you identify your negative

core beliefs, it may be helpful to look at areas of your life where these beliefs may be limiting

you, or holding you back from achieving your goals. It can also be beneficial to look at past

successes, or evidence you have against these negative core beliefs. As mentioned previously,

core beliefs tend to cause us to filter out any information that doesn't support them. We can

take back control by looking at positives or successes we may have had that directly challenge

our negative core beliefs. Additionally, using personal affirmations that are directly opposed to

our negative core beliefs can be helpful in changing them. For instance, if we hold the negative

core belief that we are 'worthless'; we may practice an affirmation such, "I am enough as I am";

These are just a few ways that negative core beliefs may be challenged. Participating in

psychotherapy can also be beneficial, as your therapist can help you explore, uncover, and

further challenging these negative core beliefs that keep us stuck. Call our office today to set up an

appointment!

Cognitive Distortions

Depending on the research study, an average person experiences between 6,000 and

70,000 thoughts a day, with the majority of these being negative. Frequently, these negative

thoughts can have an impact on our mood and behavior. When we evaluate our thoughts, we

may observe that a number of them fall under the category of cognitive distortions. The

American Psychological Association defines cognitive distortions as “faulty or inaccurate

thinking, perception or beliefs.” Almost everyone experiences cognitive distortions, however,

for some they may be more frequent and lead to decreased wellbeing. Once we are aware of

these distortions, we can work on challenging them. Participating in psychotherapy can also be

beneficial, as your therapist can point out when you may be experiencing these distortions and

assist you in reframing thoughts. Below are some of the most common cognitive distortions.

Catastrophic thinking: You assume the worst-case scenario will occur in every situation.

Example:

You have a slight head cold, but assume the worst and believe you may be chronically

ill

All or nothing thinking: You view the world in black and white terms, and observe things,

people or places as "all good or all bad".

Example: You are having a bad day, and have the thought: "Everything is always terrible;

nothing good ever happens.”

Mental Filtering: You filter out the positive in each situation, and focus on the negative instead.

Negative details are magnified.

Example: You are generally a good student, but receive a "C" on your last exam. You think to

yourself that you are a poor student, and disregard your past successes.

Emotional Reasoning: You do not consider objective facts, but instead, believe one's own

emotions reflect true reality;

Example: "I am feeling anxious, so I must be in danger.";

Personalization: You assume responsibility for things that are out of your control, take things

personally, or believe others are intentionally excluding or targeting you.

Example: Your friend forgets to text you to hang out; you automatically assume this is because

"you are a bad friend".

By Jade Caswell, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern