Coping with Perfectionism

By Jade Caswell, MA, LMHC

Perfectionism is on the rise, with research indicating a 33 percent increase in socially prescribed perfectionism, particularly among younger generations (Curran & Hill, 2017). Perfectionism can fall in three different categories, including self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism. Self-oriented perfectionism involves individuals placing unrealistic expectations on themselves, while other-oriented perfectionism may manifest in holding unrealistic expectations for others. Socially prescribed perfectionism is described as a form of perfectionism where individuals fear others may be evaluating them harshly, and they must be 'perfect' at all times. The rise in socially prescribed perfectionism may be linked to increased comparisons (social media), family pressures, and increased competition within academic and employment spaces. 

While striving for high goals can lead to success, there is a stark difference between seeking excellence and being critical of oneself. Healthy, or adaptive perfectionism, can be described as a flexible pursuit of success, without the fear of failure or self-critical impulses taking over. Maladaptive perfectionism, on the other hand, demands rigid perfection and can be linked to poor mental health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, OCD, and even suicidal ideations. If you or a loved one is struggling with maladaptive perfectionism, below are a few coping skills to try out:

1. Identify patterns of all or nothing thinking.

Set flexible and realistic goals and identify any patterns of all or nothing thinking that may be leading to over functioning, or avoidance. Try a mantra for encouragement!

2. Separate self-worth from work or tasks

Tell yourself that your inherent worth as a human being is not beholden to achievements, external successes, or the opinions of others. Redefine your identity and who you want to be!

3. Notice your inner criticNotice when self-talk becomes rigid or harsh.  Replace negative thoughts with a positive statement, reframing your thoughts in a positive direction. Remind yourself it's okay to not be perfect!

4. Reach out to a professional

A trained therapist can help you uncover patterns of behavior and thoughts that might be contributing to maladaptive perfectionism, and help you reframe these into something helpful and adaptive.

Interested in starting therapy? Our highly skilled and trained therapists are happy to help you start your journey today! Please reach out to our office at 813-335-9794. We look forward to hearing from you!