Improving Relationships Using Gottman Therapy

By Jade Caswell, MA

As we move into February, 'the month of love' many of us may be thinking about what

we can do to strengthen our relationship and ensure our love keeps growing. Thankfully, the

Gottmans have done the hard work for us, and uncovered the following 7 principles to keep our

relationships going strong. John and Julie Gottman are pioneers in the field of psychology, and

have published numerous works on topics such as marital stability and relationship counseling.

Below are their findings, after decades of research in their 'love lab' at the University of

Washington.

The 7 Principles for Keeping Love Strong

1. Understanding your Partner's Love Map

This principle is all about understanding your partner's inner world- their hopes, dreams,

desires, and fears. Asking open ended questions and approaching your partner with curiosity

and a desire to truly understand them is one way to enhance your love maps.

2. Cultivating Fondness and Admiration

This principle relates to expressing appreciation for your partner and ensuring that you do not

'take them for granted'; Simple 'thank yous' or expressing one thing you appreciate that your

partner did for you on any given day is a great way to practice this principle.

3. Turning Towards One Another

Reflect on how you behave during a conflict with your partner... Do you seek to avoid and 'run

away' or turn towards your partner, communicate how you are feeling, and collaborate

towards a solution to the problem?

4. Accepting Influence

This Gottman concept refers to the pursuit of compromise in a relationship. Instead of engaging

in a power struggle, couples who work together, 'accept influence' from their partner, and are

flexible often have increased relationship success.

5. Create Shared Meaning

Building on common experiences and having a 'shared history' with your partner enhances the

fabric of a relationship and creates a more fulfilling partnership. Think about your own lived

experience, as well as the shared story you are creating through your partnership.

6. Manage Conflict & Overcome Gridlock

According to the Gottmans, conflict is inevitable in a relationship; however, how conflict is

managed is the most important factor. Happy couples often focus on the positive aspects of

their partner, instead of dwelling on the 'negative' or fixating on a problem.

7. Solve Problems that are Solvable

This concept refers to compromise and collaboration when it comes to problems that are

solvable in the relationship. Successful couples use such techniques such as self-soothing,

gentle start-ups, repair attempts, and negotiation skills to come to an acceptable solution for

both parties.

If you read to the end of the list, congratulations! You have started your Gottman education

and can use these principles to strengthen your relationship. If you'd like more information or

would like to start comprehensive Gottman Therapy with one of our Gottman-certified

counselors, please call our office today at 813-335-9794 or email us at office@smctampa.com

Life coaching vs. Therapy. What's the Difference?

As we find ourselves moving in the New Year, many people are setting goals for

themselves, and seeking personal growth and transformation. As SanaMente Counseling, we

believe that 'each mind matters', and everyone can benefit from a safe space to explore their

goals and make their dreams a reality. This is why we are expanding our services to include life

coaching. We will continue to offer a full variety of mental health counseling, including

individual, couples, and group counseling. If you are wondering, "what's the difference between

counseling and life coaching?"; Please read below about differences between therapy and life

coaching, and find out which is the best fit for you!

1. Life coaching focuses on personal and professional goals, whereas therapy focuses on mental

health concerns. Therapy can help you navigate emotions, traumas, and interpersonal

difficulties, while life coaching helps you get "unstuck"; tap into motivation, and empower you

to achieve concrete goals.

2. Therapists hold advanced degrees (Master's degree or higher), whereas, life coaches are not

required to hold any specialized degrees or certifications. By nature of their training and

education, mental health counselors are qualified to diagnose and treat mental health

conditions, while life coaches cannot diagnose or treat mental health issues.

3. Life coaching focuses on empowerment and motivating you towards future goals, while

therapy often delves into the past and searches for 'deeper' reasons for behavior and thought

processes. Counseling may focus on healing and trauma recovery. Life coaching can help you

break undesirable habits and is structured to hold you accountable for progress towards your

future personal and professional goals.

4. Depending on client needs, life coaching is often short-term, whereas, therapy is often

longer-term and not time-limited. This is due to the 'deeper digging' and the nature of issues

that may be discussed in therapy. True healing from trauma or mental health conditions takes

time and personal investment-- Life coaching does not delve into these deeper issues.

5. Mental health counseling may be covered by your insurance plan, whereas life coaching is a

self-pay service, and is not covered by insurance.

Note: Highlighted here are major differences between life coaching and therapy, for more

information on our services please call our office at 813-335-9794 or email us at

office@smctampa.com.

We would be happy to discuss your personalized needs and find the right option for you!

Managing Holiday Stress by Jade Caswell, MA

Holidays can be a festive time of the year, with favorite traditions, delightful foods, and

time off. However, it may also be a time of sadness and angst for many, with the expectations

of the season causing unwelcome stress and anxiety. According to a study conducted by the

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) on holiday stressors, 63% of research participants

admitted to feeling financially strained, 57% reported feeling 'too much pressure' during the

holiday season and 24% of people diagnosed with a mental health condition reported the

holidays made them feel 'lot worse'. This research speaks for itself: many of us are stressed

during the holiday season, and mental health symptoms may be exacerbated during this time.

Add in family stressors, prepping holiday meals, and checking items off everyone's wish list and

this could feel overwhelming! Read on for tips to stay balanced this holiday season.

1. Consider Expectations

Try to be realistic about what can and cannot be accomplished this holiday season. For

instance, inviting the whole extended family to a holiday party may sound enticing, however,

consider your time and resources before committing yourself to such an undertaking. Inviting

immediate family members may be a more realistic goal. Managing social media use and

avoiding comparisons to others' holiday experiences are also crucial steps to promote wellbeing

during this time.

2. Practice Self Care

During holidays, our routines may be disrupted, with many things on our to-do list,

gatherings to attend, and people to care for. This is why it is important to keep up with our self-

care practices during this time, so we can feel rested and rejuvenated moving into the new

year. Self-care practices might look like sticking to our bedtime routine, not over-indulging in

alcohol or other addictive substances, getting in a daily dose of fresh air and mindful

movement, continuing with regularly scheduled therapy sessions, and saying 'no' to

overextending ourselves.

3. Manage Feelings of Grief & Loss

Holidays are often a time to reflect on memories of the past, including people and

places that may no longer be with us. Recent losses around the holiday season can complicate

the grieving process and create a mixture of emotions. Finding ways to commemorate lost

loved ones, creating new family traditions, and remembering their life stories may help process

grief in a healthy way, and allow us to connect with others.

Stay safe and healthy this holiday season!

Need more assistance? Please call our office to be set up with one of our skilled therapists

today.